“Oh no!” You groan. “Another distraught, lonely, bitter female with nothing better to do than to complain to the injustices a male dominated society has imposed on her.” In the words of Sweet Brown, “ain’t nobody got time for that! ” Far from it. If anything, I’m the next best thing after Twitter, sans nudes, makeup, weaves, booty and whatever else sells these days like hotcakes or amagwinya.
This is actually a reflection of what it’s like to be a single 20 something with no love on the horizon. It happens to all of us at some point in life. Is it true? Yes. Is it sad? Maybe. Is it necessary? Absolutely. Laughter is good for the soul, apparently, so let’s laugh off this less than desirable circumstance.
And without further ado, without too much fanfare and ostentatious words, 23 reasons why it sucks to be single in your 20s.
1. The dreaded ‘Third Wheel’ label
I really don’t appreciate how single people are assigned the position of ‘Guardian of the Couples.’ If you’re gonna be ferrying me around and submitting me to your overt displays of affection including tongues drowning in mouths, you’d better pay for every outing you subject me to.
2. It’s not OK to be OK with being single in today’s society
Whatever anyone says, there is still a stigma associated with being single past a certain age. ‘I’m OK being single’ is like saying ‘no one wants me,’ according to the world.
3. Society thinks you’re definitely a lesbian if you don’t have a boyfriend.
4. Dating is not in your domain.
By this I mean, date too little and you’re frigid. Date too much and you’re a hoe. Is there no balance to these things?!!
5. You begin to think there’s something wrong with you
This kind of twisted thinking can lead to depression, anorexia, low self-esteem, trust issues, weight problems, unsafe plastic surgery, Miley Cyrus makeovers; just to name a few.
6. You lower your standards
So John didn’t like your curly, bushman hair, so you switch it up and get a Beyoncé looking-wig cause said John likes straight hair. Did I mention said John likes natural, straight hair?
7. You have to go to weddings, wait for it… ALONE!
It’s sad that people should assume a single person is there to nab one or catch the bouquet rugby style. I’m personally going for the food. And dancing.
8. Having to explain to everyone why you’re STILL single
If I knew, would I be here? You know what? Go away.
9. You want someone you can’t have
Someone who can’t be bothered or someone who’s not ready for a relationship. Someone who’s emotionally unavailable. Someone who needs “time to think things through.” Someone who’s not about the swirl. Someone who comes at the wrong time in your life. Someone who … I think you get the idea.
10. You’re forever in the friendzone if you have too many guy friends
Guys can actually be the reason you’re single. You’re one of them, don’t pay attention to your habits around them and subsequently, give up opportunities. Or they could simply sabotage your efforts.
11. You have too many single girlfriends
And therein lies a major reason you’ll stay like this for a while. What do you get when you have a room full of single ladies, relating stories of heartbreak, deceit, disgust, love, and hate for the male species, donned in night clothes, consuming alcohol and other hip widening products like red velvet cake, chips, sweets and pizza, romantic music from a generation none of them relates to, a box set of the soppiest love stories on earth (Titanic) and makeovers? Disaster, I tell you.
12. You dress up for yourself all the damn time.
Tell me which woman doesn’t want a significant other to look at her in awe as she’s decked in that cute little number, hair piled on her head or those sexy shoes she’s been eyeing for ages that bring out her sexy, plump legs?
13. When your friends try to hook you up
Try is the operative word. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that sometimes your friends are actually clueless about who you are as a person and what kinda person you would like to be with. Blind dating. Check.
14. “Online dating. You should try it”
Equivalent to ‘can’t find your size? How about getting the size closest to yours?’ Go jump.
This show has put me off human beings and investing relationships with people over the net with such vehemence, it might actually be bordering on dangerous.
16. Too many first dates but not enough fifth, sixth or long term relationships
You can date whoever you like, they said. Meet and Greet. No commitment. Have fun, they said. Until you’re up to your neck with a first date list longer than ‘Things to do to please a woman.’
17. You have to endure countless lonely hours and act like you’re fine when, in reality, you’re not
18. You have to endure countless tears and naysayers making you feel like there’s something or everything wrong with you
“You’re beautiful. You’ll find someone.” Yes, that’s why Rasputias out here are getting with Brad Pitts, blessing them with kids and a fancy home and car. Mxm.
19. Having to endure the media suffocating you with all things love
With Valentine’s day coming and going, single people can’t help but feel a bit sick or sad. If you’re happy single, good for you. If you’re cool with it, yay, but all can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy when seeing friends bestowed with thoughtful and decadent gifts ranging from jewelery, perfume and chocolates to roses, four star hotels and breakfast in bed. Just a twinge.
20. Being made to feel you’re not complete without a significant other
Who needs a man when I’ve got food, free Wifi and Netflix?
21. Not having a guy to talk to about anything and everything.
I love talking to guys because they’re so real. It’s black or white. Not neon, off white or slightly dark. They always have a fresh perspective and will always be there for you when you’re feeling anything but beautiful.
22. Valentine’s Day
And last, but certainly not least:
23. Beyoncé left the single ladies hanging.
Think about this real quick. While you were enthralled by gyrating, feminine and, sometimes, obscene dance movements you were sure would help you snatch up that hottie at the club, Queen Bey flaunted (not modestly, might I add) a rock big enough to feed a small nation in our faces at the end of “if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.” Then, to add insult to injury, she went home to her hubby after her 3 minutes of good will to the single ladies of the world to cook up a storm (Thanks to expensive gourmet chef.) You, and so many others, were in the club singing and jamming to the song, putting off the inevitable of going home to an empty home, with no one to greet you and ask about your ladies’ night out or tell you how beautiful you look when you’re tired.
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